Did this really have to happen, you wonder... Did they really make a day just to make me feel even worse? Do I really have to call my mom and tell her how happy I am for her that it's Mother's Day... and my mother-in-law too? It seems more like a reason to wake up in the morning crying... or better yet... just hide out the whole day so that you don't have to face the world and feel like such a failure.
Is being a mom really so important or special? Why are we brought up with the idea that we'll grow up and become mommies, when not all of us can? It seems so unfair...
For those women who do want to have children, the pain of not being successful can seem unbearable. As the years go by, which is what frequently happens, the dream seems to slip farther and farther away. When I was going through infertility, I remembered what my father had told me about AA meetings (he ran them at some point, as an Army chaplain) - one day at a time. I felt my life was going one month at a time. If I could get through this month, I would get to the next month when there was another opportunity to succeed. Getting my period was a fresh start... one that would bring me closer to being a mom.
I guess that during all those years of infertility, in a way, I already was a mom. The love I was going to give my child was already there, along with the things I wanted to teach him or her. I kept my playfulness so that I could be playful with my child and I remained optimistic so that I could bring my child into a house with optimism. I was already able to feel my ability to nurture a child... and if I was willing to go through so much to have a child, clearly I would do everything I could once I was finally blessed with it.
To all those who have been lucky enough to become moms, happy mother's day! And to those who are still waiting, in my book, you're honorary moms & you deserve to celebrate.