Using donor eggs is often a last resort. I got this letter from one of the readers who wanted others to share their thoughts:
I am 40 and have been diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. I had a miscarriage a year ago after a year of trying and have been trying since. My OB told me after the miscarriage that if she didn't see me back in six months then she would assume we changed our mind. Well after six months of no luck I went back and was referred to a reproductive endocronologist. We have tried the ovarian stimulation route and I simply can't be "controlled" - no matter how many eggs I produce only one ovulates. We haven't even considered IVF with my eggs because our odds are so low - 3 cycles with a 10% bring home a baby rate. We don't have insurance coverage for any of this. Our budget is limited. So trying IVF and then looking at donor egg isn't financially possible.
We are considering donor egg as our best odds of having a child. I guess I feel a bit strange reading these other stories of women who are so worried about their genetic link to the child. Maybe I am just fooling myself but it just doesn't seem to bother me. I think (at least at this point) that if I carry the child and give birth and care for it then it is my child. I do however, feel strongly that I want to carry my husband's child. We have been together for 23 years. I can't quite explain why I am more comitted to his genetics than my own.
I hope I am just not lying to myself and that at some point this will all come crashing down. Some of it might have to do with the fact that my husband was diagnosed with MS five years ago - and his first two years were rough - I almost lost him. That is why we delayed having children - it turned our lives upside down. He has now been in remission for almost three years and his doctors are very confident he will remain so. I guess that brush with mortality made me want to keep a part of him come what may - even though he is incredibly stubborn and drives me crazy :) Has anyone else felt this way - a lack of concern that the child wouldn't be genetically hers?