Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Egg Donation Questions

I got a letter from Jenny (not her real name) with a lot of interesting questions about egg donation. If you've ever given it thought, I'm sure Jenny would be happy for your insight:

I am considering donating my eggs. I feel like I would be giving up one of my kids. How do I know the people getting my egg will treat my baby with love? How do I know my child wont be abused? I have 3 wonderful healthy boys. How would I tell them what I did, if I decided to donate my eggs? How do I know the people who get my baby will not give him or her up because s/he turns out to be the wrong sex? What will happen to my baby if the people who have my baby die an early death? I have all these questions and don't know were to find the answers. I love my boys I have now. And would not give them up to any one for anything. Will people think I am "selling" my child if I decide to donate my eggs. I would love to help another loving couple to have a baby. I want them to feel the love I have for my boys. But how do I know that they will love my baby? How do I know the woman receiving my egg will love the baby just like he or she were her very own? Will I be able to get to  know my biological child? I have so many mixed emotions. can anyone help?

4 comments:

Jenna said...

When I was younger I saw an ad for egg donation being broke in college it seemed like a great way to get some money. I did some research into it. (Internet was really slow back then so research wasn't as easy to come by) I even called the ad at get more information.
If you haven't done your preliminary research egg donation is a long process and nothing is guaranteed.
In the end I decided not to donate, it was too much work and I was only looking into it for selfish reasons.
Now I know it is good I never donated, if I tried to now I would be rejected in a heartbeat, I have infertility issues and 5 previous miscarriages.
You seem to be looking into it for selfless reasons, which is great. I was in the infertility world for 6 years and I met so many people who had issues trying to conceive. I never doubted that any of them would make good parents. People don't do fertility treatments because they casually want a child, they do it because to them having a child would mean more than anything in the entire world.
To answer some of your questions I did do some quick research and I found a very informative guide.

http://www.health.state.ny.us/community/reproductive_health/infertility/eggdonor.htm#whocan

From what it says some clinics have programs you can have contact with the person who receives your egg, you can even receive pictures or get to know your child as a family friend. If you feel that strongly about your egg you should try to find a program where you can have future contact. Also keep in mind just because you donate or get chosen it doesn't mean a baby will come out of the procedure. Infertility treatments are not guaranteed and a lot of them fail.
Also, as to what to tell your kids, my opinion is you don't have to tell your children. Nothing in their lives will change.
If you decide to become an egg donor keep in mind it is very selfless and you could be giving a couple the most amazing gift they will ever be given.
Here is a song that I really love it really gives a small glimpse into what it is like to want a child more than anything. I hope that it gives you something to think about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

PVED Mom said...

Hi Jenny - Your questions and concerns are refreshing. Many girls go into this without any questions.

First of all, as a parent via egg donation, without you our dream and desire to become parents would happen without you. The thanks and gratitude I have for women like you is so great and vast, it's hard to put into words.

Many parents wait years to become parents, and their entire life revolves around infertility treatments, home studies, and their next period.

Recipient parents go through a psychological evaluation just like egg donors. A psychologist will sit and talk with a recipient parent, ask them questions, and learn more about them.

There are no guarantees with egg donation, just like there are no guarantees with life. One would hope that a couple who have worked so very hard to become parents would love any child they had unconditionally. However, there are parents out there who have children with their own eggs who are not good parents. So nothing is 100%.

I had to smile when I read your concern and worry about a couple giving up a child because it's the wrong sex. I can tell you I didn't care if they told me I was having a lizard, I was just so darn happy to be pregnant, boy or girl it didn't matter. I was really pregnant and I was going to be a mom!

Recipient parents we hope like all parents, plan for the future. In our family we have a designated person who will be the guardian to our child in the event my husband and I pass away together. No one likes to talk about death, but it's a reality in life, and something we plan for to make sure our son is not only taken care of emotionally but financially as well.

Part of my concern about your post is that you mention several times about "my baby". Before you donate you would sit with a psychologist and talk about your feelings about your eggs. Egg donors give up all right to their eggs, and once they are donated to the recipient couple, those eggs are no longer the egg donors. Any child as a result is not the egg donors but the recipient parents.

My concern is that you might have a big attachment to your eggs, and that might preclude you from donating. And while being attached to your eggs and genetic material is not a bad thing, it's very loving actually, being attached after you donate your eggs might not be a healthy thing for you.

In regards to selling your child, you aren't selling a child. You are donating eggs, and being compensated for your time and inconvenience. The genetic material you are donating is not 100% going to be a child, no one knows that, there are so many variables regarding pregnancy through this procedure. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Will you be able to get to know your biological child? It depends on the program you enter. Some clinic and agencies have a known donor program. You meet the recipient couple face to face and you agree to be available to answer any questions any children born to the recipient couple may have at a later date.

The big difference between egg donation and adoption is that you are not the mother. The recipient mother is the mother. She is carrying this child for 9 months in her womb, as you did your own children. Any children born to recipient parents are their children not your children.

This is an involved process that includes many medical tests, a meeting with a psychologist, and a lawyer. There are forms to be filled out as well as contracts.

I applaud you for your questions and I wish you the best!

Bea said...

I love the above response, and can't really add to it. I just wanted to comment to say good luck with your decision. It's great that you want to help, but do take care that you can give your eggs over fully and completely before you take the leap.

Bea

car donation said...

I appreciate what you had done. Hope the best to you.