Monday, January 04, 2010

Single-joint motherhood by choice

Someone I know of is currently in her 2 week wait. She's very near 40 and has spent the past many years building her career, but hasn't found Mr. Right. So about two years ago, she decided she was going to have a baby whether she got married or not (with it being fairly obvious that she wouldn't)... and after contemplating her options, she decided that she would like to find a homosexual couple who wanted to have a baby, so that her baby wouldn't grow up without knowing his/her biological father. After asking her friends and talking to a lot of people, someone suggested a couple. They hit it off & spent the next many months working out all of the details with a lawyer. I know very few of the details, but do know that she will have full custody for the first two years - and that after that, they will share custody.

I can't stop thinking how complicated this is - maybe even more than a divorce, in which (in Israel, at least) usually one parent has custody and can therefore move away. With joint custody, they've got to stay where they are. And they've got to agree on all sorts of things that are really hard to agree on... on the other hand, they'll each have a few free days a week. And every other weekend. And two sides to pay the expenses... I also wonder what happens if she does find a partner. How will that fit into the picture?

What are your thoughts?


Bea said...

What do I think? I think that yes, it is a complicated and delicate arrangement and personally I would not want to do the same. But I also think it would be a beautiful win-win situation for those who could work together. I'd be interested to hear the five-year, ten-year etc reviews from all parties (including the child, of course).


Sara said...

It does sound really complicated, but I can see a lot of benefits from that kind of arrangement for the child, relative to the use of anonymously donated sperm, for example. It might be hard on the parents, but it also might result in the building of an unlikely, but wonderful family. I wish them all the best.

Dr. Grumbles said...

Well, as a child of a NASTY divorce, I can't help but fear for negative experiences for the child, BUT, if these are grounded adults who will be able to put the child first, I feel it could work out well.

KW AND MT said...

Hi I know this seems a bit of a random question but I'm a journalist and was wondering if your friend would be interested in publishing her story in a national women's weekly mnagazine...please email if she would be. Thanks,

KAte x